Aunt Bonnie

Be forewarned, this post has nothing to do with climbing.

This summer. What can I say. Personally, professionally, it hasn't been all that great. Workwise its been one of the most stressful, high intensity times of my life and while that can be good at times, it has instead been overly chaotic without much to show for it.

While the shoulder has been less than ideal my need for climbing has been slowly replaced by a vague enjoyment of running, something that I never enjoyed previous to this summer. It has been frustrating to feel the shoulder at 90% for 3 weeks now. So frustrating that I'll be going back to the doc later this week.

Big, positive changes happened with Katie and her working environment which were awesome and she's already doing good things at the gym. A known result of the change though was that I'd be seeing less of my wife throughout the first bit. Knowing it doesn't make it suck less though. I like seeing my wife and when that changes a bit it's tough to deal with.

Another side effect of the extremely serious case of "Bitch-itis" has been seeing my friends less than I'd like to. Not wanting to be "that guy" that awkwardly comes into the gym, plops down on a couch and just "hangs out" I've been at the gym maybe once a month. It's really staggering how much I miss being around my friends and how much of my time is normally spent climbing. It's really surprised me even if it shouldn't have.

None of that matters though. We're all healthy. The shoulder will heal up. I'll start climbing again. I'll see my wife more often and work will slow down. It's all fixable. There are things that aren't fixable though and those are the real issues in life.

A couple weeks ago on the 13th I found out that my Aunt Bonnie had liver cancer. The type of cancer she had was particularly devastating and not many make it through. The doctors gave her 3-4 weeks to live at the time. She passed away 5 days later and was only 50 years old.

When I found out, Bonnie had known for roughly a year. She didn't want people to think of her and remember her as "Bonnie with cancer", but rather just as Aunt Bonnie. She kept it from all but her closest friends and didn't want to burden her family, whatever that really means.

The speed with which it all happened was absolutely shocking and I'll be honest in saying that I've never experienced a loss like this before. So unexpected and sudden with no warning or chance to come to terms with it. Katie and I went to the memorial last Friday and it was obvious the impact she made on everyone who came into her life.

It's absolutely agonizing to think that Bonnie won't be at Christmas this year. The simple fact that I'll never get a chance to see her again destroys me.

Sadly there aren't any lessons learned or a neatly packaged silver lining in this story. I lost a family member that I care for deeply and I won't get her back. Instead everyone should just go home and hug someone they care about. Life can change so incredibly fast.